Divine Design...

Our family was established on October 4, 2002. Lance and I were sealed for eternity in the Portland Temple and we knew we wanted to start our family right away. Infertility reared it's ugly head and crushed our hopes of having a baby of our own.
My sister-in-law told us about a family in their ward who was a foster parent and had babies placed with her all the time. We looked into the foster system and soon signed on...
Before we had even finished our classes we got the call for a little baby boy, six months old. To say we were excited was a HUGE understatement. They placed the Tank in my arms on October 21, 2004. The second he was placed in my arms I KNEW that he would be our son. I understood that he was a foster baby and 'could' go home to his parents... but I also KNEW in my heart that this little man was sent to be my baby. I even remember tears that afternoon trying to explain the special feelings I had in receiving him... 2 1/2 years later, tons of tears, heartache after heartache, meetings, committees... he was finally OURS!

This pic is when he was 21 months old. We had a regular camera before this digital pic...

so due to no scanner... this will have to do for his wee pic.

Four months after receiving the Tank we received another phone call... telling us about a two year old toddler who needed a Forever Family. She had been in the system from birth and the foster parents were in their 60's and too old to 'start over'. We went to meet her and start transition with her and on the first visit of meeting us she bear hugged Lance and wanted to give him 'bye-bye' kisses. I got to watched that precious scene and I KNEW that Fan-C was to come home with us and be our daughter. On February 2, 2005 Fan-C walked into her new room (for good ~ she had transition over nights). Having a very verbal, very SMART two year old really gave me a 'run for my money'... There were moments when I wasn't sure I could make it through them. We only had her for less than 14 months and she was sealed to us. She came into the sealing room and saw all her grandparents and other friends and family sitting there and she walked up to each person and touched their faces and said, "Oh, I've missed you so much." I bawled. Some of those people she sees on almost a daily basis but it was like her little spirit was finally home... eternally home. She is our oldest and was sealed first to us even though she came second. It seems like divine design came into play... her adoption was picture perfect.

See the explanation above... she is 3 in this picture.

So far we had VERY unusual placements with the foster systems. First two placements become part of our forever family... practically unheard of in the foster world. We soon found out about the temporary placements. We next received a newborn... only one day old. She was beautiful. Curly brown hair... sweet baby. When her worker came in to our home, she placed the baby in my arms and said, "Well, Amy* (*name changed) this is your forever momma." I was shocked! My mom was there when she came and couldn't believe that she was ours from the get-go. Well a week later the worker calls and apologizes because an in law of the birth mom stepped forward and wanted Amy. So Amy went on to her new family. I was CRUSHED. I cried... it was so hard to be told that this baby is YOURS and then, ummmm sorry I made a mistake I have to pick her up tomorrow. But Lance and I stayed in the foster system and that is when we received our little Miss Onica. Those of you who have read this blog know about little Onica. We had her until she was nine months old... (that's all I can say about her right now...sorry)

While we were busy with our wild little man and taking care of Fan-C and Miss Onica we got a call that the Tank's birth mother had given birth to a 100% biological sister. This little girl needed to be placed. We started transitioning with her and received her into our home February 3, 2007. We transitioned with her for over six months (since she turned a year old) so having her stay for forever was awesome. She lived 2 hours away and the commuting a couple times a week was getting old really fast. Tiny-T was soon sealed to us, making the zoo crew three strong. She is a daddy's girl. Lance and I were meant to be her parents....

This is Tiny-T at a year old...

This is a quick 'cliff notes' version of the creation of the Stanley family. Would I have loved to have had children? You bet. I hate infertility... ugly beast. I am so grateful that we struggled... it was through that struggle that the Tank, Fan-C and Tiny-T came to become our Zoo Crew. I am their momma. I was called to serve as their eternal mother. I know this isn't a typical way to adopt children but it was our 'divine design' to have our children come into our home through fostering. We feel like there may be a couple more for our crew but are no longer fostering with the state. I don't have a clue as to how they will come to us... but miracles happen every day. We have a testimony of the miracle of adoption.

Remember:

November is National Adoption Month.

November ~ National Adoption Month

Through the miracle of adoption ~ these three beauties came to join our family.

November is National Adoption Month, take time to think about the difference you can make in a child's life. The foster system is always in need of amazing homes (which is how our cuties came to us), CASA desperately needs volunteers to help kiddos navigate the legal system and then there are many agencies and state programs that handle adoption of kiddos waiting for their eternal families.

You can become a mentor, donate clothing ~ shoes ~ holiday gifts ~ money.

Just think about it.

Become a hero for a child.

That's eSpensive...

Took the zoo crew to the store last night so that they could spend the rest of their birthday money. I told them how much they had to spend and off we went to the toy isle.
So Fan-C wants the FIRST thing she sees and I tell her to keep looking and if she still wants that craft book after scanning additional isles then we will come back and get it. The kids go for the biggest, most expensive things... so I ask them to look at the numbers below the items and that if the number is higher then our set number then it is too expensive for them. Fan-C heard nothing and kept grabbing the $50 Barbies (sheesh, she must be made of GOLD these days) but the Tank went to items he liked, moved the box and kept saying, "That's eSpensive!" I had a grin on my face. He found a dinosaur that cost all his money and chose instead to get a HUGE horse and momma/baby hippo set. (just what he needs, more animals for his bed) He said, "I could get one dinosaur or THREE softies." (his name for his stuffed animal kingdom collection) He was very proud of his choices.
Tiny-T saw a large My Little Pony with hair accessories and that was it. She didn't look at one other toy. She just sat there with her box saying, "Look momma... her hair is so pretty and sparkly." ((((so easy))))
Fan-C must have touched about 10,000 boxes before she made her decision of a mermaid Barbie (on sale for $10) ~ mommaduck liked this Barbie cuz the clothes were painted on...no naked Barbies at our house ~ and two My Little Pony's (cuz she only has 20 of those... ).

The cashier was a fellow momma sent from heaven! She patiently let them each pay and bagged everything in their own bags so they each got to carry their treasure out of the store. (Thank you fellow-momma)

The crew showed all their new treasures to daddy when he got home and I heard the Tank telling daddy how eSpensive the toys are... (still smiling) There was no arguing (a little with Fan-C) over what they could buy. I think kids sometimes think that the money is endless... just pull out your checkbook or swipe the card. Today they got a glimpse into reality.

Happy Birthday Miss Fan-C!

Yep, this is my seven year old. In leggings with boots and sporting her "uniform" ~ Hannah Montana t-shirt. Seems like yesterday, she was two years old and insisting that she wanted to be baptised now! I kept telling her, "six more years". Now I have one year! Time has FLOWN!

She loves anything dealing with paper (just like her momma), Hannah Montana, her hand held video game and Reba (the show that is in reruns with Reba McIntyre). She loves to sing and told me today that she didn't want to brag but she is quite good at it.

(so humble)

Happy Birthday Fan-C ~ we LOVE you!

Oh, what do you do in the Autumn time~~~

Tutorial on how to bake down those yummy farm fresh pumpkins.

This is our behemoth. I put it next to my mixer just to show you the size = 12 hours of bake-down and 27 ~ 3 cup bags of pumpkin.

First, pick farm fresh pumpkins. Check those stalks. If they are dry or shriveling or disintegrating... move on to the next pumpkin. You want one that is full of thick wet meat.
Pre-heat your oven to 375.
Open the pumpkin and cut out the 'guts'. No string or seeds allowed.


Use a cookie sheet with a lip (ie. jellyroll pan) and place your pieces meat - side down.
Try to keep your pieces about the same size to ensure even cooking.

Fill up your pan and then add a little bit of water just to help keep the meat from sticking.
Bake for 60 minutes.

Check to make sure that the meat is soft and the skin should be bubbling up off the meat.

Once baked (they are steamed with the water you added), allow to cool for a couple minutes. While the pumpkin is still really warm start peeling off the skin.

Throw the hot pieces into a blender or food processor and start creating your liquid gold pulp.

*I always have another pan ready to go (adding the water just before going into the oven) to begin baking while I'm processing the baked batch.

Write on quart size freezer bags the date, Pumpkin, and how many cups you are storing.

Pumpkin pie and cake recipes take the 3 cups (equal to one Libby's can). My breads take 2 cups and cookie batches take 1 cup. So I find that storing 3 cups is the best for our family.

Place your prepared bag in a LARGE cup... no messy hands and cleaner bags.

Add in your pumpkin pulp by the cup.

Seal and lay out flat. (takes up less space in your freezer)

Store in your freezer and enjoy yummy pumpkin creations year round.

I also have put pumpkin pulp in soups (great way to thicken the soup and hide more veggies from the kids) & spaghetti sauces (only about 1/2 - 1 cup, depending on size of batch you make for your sauces). Be creative... I have pulp coming out of my..... pumpkin pulp is sooooo cheap. We paid less than $20 for both HUGE pumpkins and got essentially more than 36 CANS of Libby canned pumpkin. Mine is much healthier, no added colors and preservatives.

This is dedicated to my momma who taught us how to do this. We enjoyed all those years of yummy HOMEMADE pumpkin pie and now all of us kids have continued to bake down our own pumpkins and use our own pulp. Props to you Mom.

Pumpkin Patch Adventures = summertime blues?!?

No school day = trip to Lone Pine for tons o' corn on the cob. There is no chance of going to Lone Pine with the herd and not visiting the animals. The Tank loved all the goats and wanted his picture in front of their mini-horse.

Next day we were off to Detering Orchards for the annual family pumpkin patch trip with all my bros/sisters and parents. Free treats, free hay rides, free pumpkins... love all the FREE stuff. We then head over to my brother's home and have a BBQ and watch the Duck game.

Go Ducks!!! (they stomped UCLA)

Tiny-T getting ready for the hayride with Daddy and Uncle Keven and Mr. Lake.

Enjoyed the great autumn weather and gorgeous sun... but I didn't anticipate this:

Burnt to a crisp baby. Raccoon eyes from my sunglasses. The sun was gorgeous and there was a breeze all day so the temps were perfect. I never even thought... hey I'm torching my face. Hmmmm... summertime sunburn in October. Crazy Oregon weather!

I love you... forever~

He is amazing.

He is so patient.

He is wonderful.

He is my everything.

He is mine for forever~

I'm a very blessed girl.

Happy Anniversary to my Lancings...

Surgical Pit Pics...

My 'surgical pit pics' are located on my blog.

See the link ---------->

(top of page on right)

Journey of a Thousand Steps.

Didn't think they really went with my zoo crew.

The Tale of Two Tanks...

Tank jumps in the truck and proudly shows me his sticker which says, "My Teacher is Proud of Me!". He goes on to say that he was the classroom's "Top Banana" for the day. He got to lead the class whenever they lined up, sit in a special Top Banana chair, get first snack and feel like the top notch for the day. I took his picture. This is the calm little boy that his teacher goes 'ga-ga' for and has nothing but praise for...

And well....

This is the Tank that I know and love... the spaz!

That's my Tank.

Surgery Day~~~

Well, it's finally here!

I've been dreading (waiting) for three months!

Too long... just do it and get it over with.

So I'm off to lay on this "bed" that is like the size of a surf board...

oh this should be so fun!

I had Lance take pictures of the hairy~messy~arm last night.

I'll post them when I can upload a gruesome post-op pic.

(I know Lauri, TMI)

I'm posting it anyways to document my 'adventure'.

Big thank you to family and friends who are sending up prayers on my behalf.

I'm grateful~

Fire Drill? Seriously?!?

Tuesday, (22nd) I went in for my dreaded Pre-op appointment. My surgery is scheduled for Monday, the 28th. I went and saw the surgeon. He is nice. He told me the area being excised is not as big as his surgical assistant had told me. He said that it would MOST LIKELY not require a drain ~ thank you!!! No drain = shower after 48 hours versus up to nine DAYS!!!!!
I prepared a list of questions for him and ran through my list and then off to the anesthesiologist. I get all settled and 'preregistered' and the office assistant tells me a nurse will be with me soon and closes my door. Just then all these sirens start sounding off and lights flashing and I'm sitting in this room thinking... ummmmm am I supposed to leave or wait?!? Seriously like three minutes later a nurse opens the door and says, "We need to evacuate. This is a fire drill." She points me towards the back stair well and tells me to exit the building and stand by the reflection pool. ((((This is the new RiverSpend Hospital ~ hence the reflection pool.))))
I go into the stairwell and there are two floors above me that are all evacuating and the stairs are PACKED. I sort of stand to the side and wait for a lull and then join the herd heading down. I don't do stairs well and I felt like I needed to hurry so that I didn't hold anyone up. I go down two flights and a doctor steps in behind me. I'm still hurrying way too fast for my normal pace and he is making sighing noises like we aren't move fast enough for him. So I kick it into warp speed and move my legs even faster. We get to the outside door and my ankle gives out. I'm heading for the ground. I catch myself and try to walk further and it goes again. I turn to make sure I'm not holding up the precious doctor anymore and he is literally RUNNING the opposite direction. RiverBend is a 100% smoke free campus. Across the street is an undeveloped field where nurses, office personnel and the impatient doctor were rushing toward so they could squeeze in an unscheduled smoking break! What the FREAK?!? I'm killing myself so you can get a few puffs in?!? Not happy.
I hobble over to a lamp post and rest against it while I call Lance to let him know that my appointments are going to last a long time due to this lovely Fire Drill. (An air conditioning repairman triggered the fire alarm somehow while he was doing maintenance on a unit downstairs.) A woman approaches me and asks if I came from the Bariatric unit. I look at her confused and then it hits me... She wasn't a nurse or a doctor, just a busy body who should mind her own. So I say, "Why? Cuz I'm FAT?!? There's no other possible reason why I could be here at the doctor's offices except to go to have a bariatric procedure?!?" I know, I know... not my finest hour... but annoyed and offended. She looks at me a little frightened and stammers out an " Well, I just assumed..." Yeah, good times. News flash: Not a mystery to me or any other seeing eye human on this earth that I am a large woman. I am (as the nurse put it) medically BORING. I don't have to go to the doctor very often (knocking on wood). So let's not assume ~ turn off those judging meters and just let people be. Thank you... climbing off my soap box now.

Fire drill over. Now everyone is heading back to their desks, offices and appointments. I hobble inside and find the elevators with the throngs of people ahead of me. I wait and finally make it into an elevator. We are heading up and all these people on higher floors keep requesting to go down... ummm didn't you all hear the fire alarms? You shouldn't have been in the building. But we squeeze closer together and let them ride up with us. I get to my floor and let them know I need off and no one moves. I say it again and they sort of shift (like two inches) and now the doors are trying to close. So I just bust through the crowd and get out. Ugh... just move people!
I get back to the office and a nurse enters (the one that later proclaims my medically boring status) and on the appointment goes. My anesthesiologist is a member of the church and I know his wife. So he understands that I am a narcotic-free woman and it probably won't take much to send me off to dream land.

Now, I am all ready. Just need to show up on Monday. No food for thirteen hours before my surgery starts. UGH. No water/liquids after 9am. I'm not going to be pleasant to be around. Lance is probably secretly happy they check me in two hours prior to the big event so he doesn't have to endure a very snappy~nervous~hungry wife. Wish me luck...

Taking a Minute to Focus...

This pic is from a couple years ago... but it has all four being happy~ at the same time.

I arranged a babysitter (thank you Grandma Stanley) and asked Lance to take me to the temple tomorrow... and then BOOM!?!#$%^&$#!!!! Holy crud. I verbalized my desire and made a formal plan to go and it all broke loose. The natives turned into heathens, our truck is giving us trauma and my long list of "to dos" ~ didn't.
Called my mom and she said that it usually works like this... verbalize the plan and then everything works against you. I am going. Early in the morning. Not leaving any 'free time' to get filled up with more chaos and prevent me from getting to the temple to get refocused.

I just a few minutes of peace in the temple...

I need a few minutes so that I can come back to these lovely little natives and want to be their happy momma once again.

Congrats to Lance!!!

He just got a new position/title with an office!

We are proud of you.

Great job~~~

Wait up for MEEEE ~~~~

Fan-C and the Tank made this at Honeyman ...

Life is runnin' ~ sprintin' fast ~ and I feel like I'm trying to move my feet (that weigh a 1000 lbs. a piece) and yellin' : WAIT for meeeeee!

One friend doesn't announce she's pregnant a whole herd does.

One friend doesn't announce she's moving (far away) a whole herd does.

One friend doesn't announce a new working at home brilliant idea a whole herd does.

So then I fall into that yucky mode of where's my new baby? Why can't we move? Why didn't I have that brilliant idea? (I'm stuck in Groundhog Day ~ the movie... everyday is exactly like the day before)

I'm so excited for my child bearing, moving (though sad too) and enterprising friends. I don't wish them not to have changes and success. I just want to be a part of something that exists outside these four walls. I want to feel like I'm movin' along with the herd instead of moving against it.

I feel like my life is made out of 'sand' right now. (hence this pic)

Easily changed by outside forces that I can't see coming and can't control.

(Now I'm off to get some baby gifts and housewarming gifts too...)

Scandinavian Festival 2009

We took the ducklings out to

Junction City

for the annual

Scandi-Fest.

I personally think it should just be called our annual Lovin' Oven run. The Lovin' Oven sell Swedish Meat Pies and OH MY HECK they are THAT good. Yummy enough to drive 25 miles (on way) to get once a year. The ducklings looked around and said, "we want to go on rides". I laughed and said this is a festival not a fair. You eat great food and look at crafts ~ there are no rides. Yet right next to the "four mile line" waiting for the Lovin' Oven was a rock climbing wall and they all wanted to take a crack at it. So we signed the appropriate 'waivers' and got them harnessed up and off they went.

This is my niece... she actually climbed up twice - to the top each time - no fear & super FAST.

Fan-C scampering up the wall...

Okay, last winter the Tank wanted to climb up on the roof and help Daddyduck string up the lights... I made him wear his helmet ( I know, I know - I was nervous ) he was so excited and not scared.
Fast forward to Scandi-fest... this kid only climbed maybe three feet. 3 FEET! The safety handler asked if he wanted to try again and he said, "Ummmm, NO!" I guess holding on to a ladder is easier then little plastic rocks, eh?!?

We had fun watching them climb. We had our Swedish Meat Pies that were oh so yummy.

Next year I am going to have to stand in line for an Elephant Ear...

Twins?!? Ummmm, no!

This is the Tank and my niece, "Mimi". I've been watching Mimi since she and the Tank were a year old. Her momma (my little sister) went to work after I decided to stay home with my kiddos and leave the "workforce". Five days a week for YEARS.... this summer her sister is watching her. We miss Mimi soooo much. Tank and Mimi are like two peas in a pod. He misses having her here. Tonight we found out that she will be coming again once school starts... Yippee! They are both half-day kinders... so after school they will get to play once again. :o)

Now the story behind the title of this post:
One of the door counters at Costco saw me multiple times a week (diapers, wipes, fruit snacks, chicken nuggets ~ you know how it goes) and she asked me how old all the kiddos were. I responded four, three, three, eighteen months and nine months. She smiled and expressed how insane I was to be shopping with that many youngins' by myself. I laughed and agreed with her but when you are out of diapers/pull-ups you do what you have to do. The next week I walk in and she tells a coworker that I have a TON of kids all under four, including a set of TWINS. I correct her and let her that the three year olds are cousins. She doesn't believe me... she still greets Tank and Mimi as the "twin cousins" and sort of winks. I think she thinks I'm crazy and am just lost in a daze of confusion and not aware that I had a set of twins or something. Now we call them the Mexicalli-twins. (they are both half)

Look who's FOUR!?!?

This is Tiny-T with her Papa...

To say that she would follow him to the ends of the earth is a HUGE understatement...

Today is Tiny-T's (official) birthday.

We celebrated with family on Monday (cuz assembling the masses on FHE night is so much easier than a Friday or Saturday). Four years old! Wow!

She is so funny... she comes up with the best lines and oh my word~~~ she memorizes songs that I didn't even know she was listening to. Does that make sense? She'll be in her room playing with her ponies and start singing, "You're gonna be popular" from the play Wicked. (I'm a wee bit obsessed with the music, hoping to see the musical one day) I don't mean like sing the same line over and over, I mean like sing every word. Really?!? I didn't even know you were paying attention to the 3,000 times your momma has sung this song in the car. But hey, if you're gonna memorize a song I would rather it be "Popular" then some of daddy's country stuff. (I like country but some of George Strait's stuff is a wee bit too twangy for my taste.)

She is a strong willed little woman. Don't think that she is forgotten as the youngest of the ducklings. She makes herself known~~~ She loves her daddy, the color pink, playing with her ponies ~ carrying her purses while donning her necklaces and bracelets. She loves to wear her fancy shoes and she asks for her hair to be done. She is my girly-girl. She hates dirty hands. (ode to her Grandma Lillie) We love her so much and are so grateful that she is growing up to be quite the little lady ~~~

Happy Birthday!!!!

34 days and counting....

School starts in 34 days!!!

This is my big man the Tank. He is starting kindergarten this year and he can't wait! (neither can momma) It is bitter sweet to send him off to school. Granted it's only 1/2 day = 2 hours 25 minutes it's still yet another sign that my big man is growing up.

Fan-C is officially in first grade. All day, hot lunches (she's insisting-ugh!), music program in the Spring, music / art class once a week and TWO recesses a day. She is sooooo excited about school. Now that she is a seasoned veteran of elementary school~~~ She is my giraffe. This girlie has legs that don't end. (makes me nervous for the teenage years - yikes!) Seems like yesterday she was toddling around and now she is keeping a countdown to her baptism date! (14 months and 14 days! ~ she has been counting down since she was TWO! seriously...)

It's just gonna be me and Tiny-T hanging out together

ummmm, more like living in the Expedition five days a week!

Three little ducklings sitting in a ~~~

GIANT CHAIR!!!

This is my camping chair. It is huge!!! I feel like Lilly Tomlin when she's her character "Edith" sitting in the giant rocking chair. I ordered it earlier this summer and set it up to air it out a bit before loading it in the trailer. I heard a lot of giggling and came out to find the ducklings all nestled in and giving it a test 'sit'. They are so dang cute...
They are growing too fast. Some days I can't wait until they are teenagers and throwing around some independence stuff... then other days I see my 'babies' transforming before my eyes and I want to just hold on to them and keep them little for a little longer.

Yep, she is sent straight from HEAVEN!

Feast your eyes on this beautiful,

gorgeous, fabulous, wonderful, delicious, creative,

awesome expression of LOVE!

To the average guy they would just call it a cake, but it is something much more than just a yummy confection created by an Auntie for her four year old niece.

Lauri calls me and asks me 'what's up?'... well she called at the moment of a meltdown (by me). She then had to listen to me tell her some yucky (financial) stuff and then my true pain was that my little Tiny-T was turning four and we were going to cancel her party due to no ability to even get her a cake. My awesome sister-in-law says, "Just have the party and I will make a cake." I was so grateful that she would show love to me and to Tiny-T by bringing a cake. You know a 9x13 cake in the pan with some frosting and sprinkles. I was in tears and grateful.

Lauri walks in last night to the party with THIS!

A gorgeous creation for an excited little girl. Lauri went WAY beyond filling my need to provide a treat for a party... she showed me how much she loves us and was willing to create something using her talents and for this she will be blessed!!!!

Thank you Lauri...

Sunny days...

Fan-C and the Tank just informed me this morning that I am not helping them have a very fun summer. I asked what a fun summer would look like. Things were suggested like ~ swimming, Disneyland, whitewater rafting (Fan-C is hooked after Sunriver), library, picnics and riding bikes. Just to name a few being thrown at me. Sooooo.... I am going to take them out and about and get in some real summer fun. Disneyland, rafting and bike riding (with me) are out. But, I going to plan some park stuff, picnics and even venture to the library with them in tow.

Summer fun here we come....

Surgery, oh shoot!

Tuesday is my surgery consult. *sigh*

Two rounds of heavy doses of antibiotics, didn't work.

Cutting out the original "mass", didn't work.

Packing open wound for two weeks with nu-gauze everyday

(thanks Lance and Lauri), didn't work.

Now I'm off to see the surgeon.

The plan is to basically open my left armpit wide open and "clean out" the crud and hope and pray that it doesn't return.

Surgeon, located at a surgery CENTER,

can't do the procedure there.

Oh no...

Has to go across the street and use the operating room at the HOSPITAL. Not just any hospital... the brand new (we-are-trying-to-recoup-our-huge-investment-so-our-prices-are-outrageous) hospital.

Grrrrr.... that means yet another bill for us. (yippee)

I am trying to convince them to just give me a local.

(keep me awake)

I don't feel 'normal' pain. This will save me having a huge anesthesiologist bill...

BUT I do not know if they will go for this or not.

We shall see....

My Lancing is coming with me.

I was planning on going alone and then he said,

"Ummmm, you're discussing SURGERY, I'm comin'. "

So, we're off to see the wizard... er the surgeon.

Maybe I can use the O.R. to the best of my abilities...

I'd like to have a nip/tuck, chin reduction,

foot reduction ~

get my money out of using that place.

I know... I can dream, right?!?

Happy 4th of July~~~~

Sending out freedom vibes to you all!

God Bless America~

I am acquiring pics from the Sunriver vacation/race.

Sooooo... I will soon post all the fun events of last week.

Racers Ready? On your mark, get set, GO!!!!

My race day is here. We leave for Sunriver today!

I'm starting to get a wee bit nervous.

My doctor has suggested that I skip the race and stay out of the sun. Ummmm, NO! I've been building up to this thing since I registered in March. I found SPF 85 and a hat. I'm equipped to have my Sunday "stroll" then I'll stay out of the sun.
Lance is being "trained" how to be my wound~packing~nurse for our trip. I have to repack this thing everyday for the next two weeks. Then (if not healed) I will have to have a surgery to open the wound deeper and really make sure all the yuck is out. I'm prayin' for the healing... hence why I am letting my non medically trained husband learn how to do this so I can be healed with in the two weeks.

So on Sunday send out a motivational vibe into the universe for me...

I'll be sure to check my vibes first thing Sunday morning before the race.

I'll tuck them into my shoes and you all can come along with me... Here we go...

Another Freakin' CoPay! $$$$$

I have been on an antibiotic treatment for 10 days and the infection the meds were supposed to clear up just wasn't quite done yet... so I call up the doc this morning and ask if they would fill an extension to the antibiotic to get rid of it completely. They take my name and number and tell me they will ask the doc and get back to me.
About an hour later I get a call telling me that I need to come in and see the doc again. I am instantly ANGRY... I don't have another $35 to sink into another copay so they can hand me another prescription. So, I go. I take my own "gown" with me.

((I'm not a fan of paper "dresses" that barely cover the front let alone the whole back end. So about a year ago, I found hospital gowns online and ordered two. One that is for IV (the sleeves unbutton) and one regular. LOVE THEM... no more cold hiney waiting to see the lady doc.))

But back to today's adventure.

They take my blood pressure, it's high cuz I'm steamin'. I'm actually crying in the doctor's office because I don't have money to throw at a doc tryin' to build up their vacation fund. I'm ticking off the list of groceries I could have gotten with this ridiculous copay. That reminds me, I'm out of bread. Doc walks in and takes a look... then she gets her nurse to prep the surgery room.

UMMMMMMM, what?!?

Next thing I know I'm following doc into a room down the hall. Horrified that I am walking the halls of this busy doctor's office with just my "gown" on to cover the top regions. I'm definitely a woman who is pro-bra and MUST wear said bra. So I am trying to hold my shirt and purse up and inconspicuously hold the "ladies" in place so they don't bounce out while I am on my "parade" to the procedure room. The doc is serious. I'm gonna get anesthesia and scalpel's are gonna be used!!!!

She had me lay down on a "bed" that is about as wide as a diving board and then asks if I am comfortable. Ummm, yeah... NO! This didn't seem to register as she just continued to prep. She mentioned that if I hadn't brought my gown they would have had me disrobe and then covered me with a sheet... THANK YOU STEPHANIE FOR BEING ANAL AND BRINGING YOUR OWN SURGERY GOWN... then she starts. I don't feel pain. (or let me clarify) I have a high tolerance for pain. I don't even feel her tugging, cutting, moving things around...nothing. She works for a bit and then asks me if I know why I am bleeding so much. Ummmm, hello?!? I inform (remind) her that she has me on an aspirin regimen... hence the thin blood and LOTS of it. She tells me to discontinue using the aspirin for a few days. Then she tells me that the said "lump" was a lot bigger and deeper then she anticipated. So through a combination of stitches and "packing" I am closed up for now. BUT, if the packing doesn't work and I don't heal then I will have to have surgery in an OR with a "real surgeon" <---- Doc's words, not mine. GREAT! I'm leaving in two days for Sunriver.

I'm supposed to be competing on Sunday in a race... she says... well you'll just have to see.

There you have it. My $35 copay went to pay for a mini-surgery and may lead to a full blown one... BUT, I have a secret weapon. I'm having Lance give me a blessing tonight.

I'm gonna race on Sunday.

Now, I'm off to go and find loose change in the couch ~

I still need to go and get some bread.

Nerves ~~~~

So, this is my left leg. I know, what a glamour shot, right?!? At scouts a few months ago I fell during a flag ceremony... (LONG STORY)... I ended up hyper-extending my knee and breaking my leg right below my knee. I am healed up and all is well ~~~~ maybe.
I'm getting nervous about the Pacific Crest event and wondering how my leg is gonna fair. I walk now and my knee tries to go backwards a couple times. I'm hopin' all will be well. Walking 5K sounds doable but at 4700 feet above sea level kinda freaks me out.
Maybe I should rent an oxygen tank to strap on to my back...

Only eleven days... (yikes!)

Disclaimer: I do NOT watch soaps....

This week I saw a commercial showing a story line for a character on "One Life to Live" and it pulled me in. The character Jessica (holding the baby in the pic) gave birth to a baby that died and her alternate personality ~ Bess, switched her dead baby, Chloe for a live baby at the hospital. It was her niece's baby, Hope. Her niece is Star, the other gal in the pic below.

But, I'm not here to rehash a soap plot for you all....

Today, Jessica (who just got her memory back and realized that the baby she had died) had to say goodbye to Chloe/Hope. She had to hand her off to Star's parents. This little baby that she has loved and cared for from birth was leaving. She would now see her and have to be known as a cousin.

I LOST IT!

I wasn't prepared for how it would hit me. She was saying her goodbye's and love yous and I was doing okay. Then Blair walked in the room and BAM!!!! The moment Jessica realized this is it... I lost it right along beside her. Way too close to home for me. Only I have the mercy of not having to see Onica 'around town'. The ending shows her walking into the nursery and falling to her knees and weeping. It has been two years and the section of my walk-in-closet that was Onica's area is still there... I can't deal with clearing it out and I have tried, several times. I tried to take things off hangers and put them away and I freak and can't. I thought that another baby would come. Another little person and that would force me to sort and clear out and make room for the new one... but I am realizing that there may be no more new babies. We have been on adoption lists for almost a year and nothing. (I'm not the pick of the litter ~ in the adoption world.) I won't be watching the show any longer. Next week they show the baby being given back to her bio-mom. Star, the bio-mom, adopted her baby to another infertile woman on the show and now is revoking that and keeping the baby. Ummmm, not what I want to watch.
I realize that Jessica is NOT real but I have been feeling for her today... wounded...

My own wounds have been 'weeping' again today...

I pray for the relief to finally come ~ for the cleansing rain.

Team Stanley ~ ONE MONTH and COUNTING

So today marks the day.

Only 30 days until

Team Stanley

rolls into Sunriver and makes their mark this year.

We will have our matching Team Stanley shirts

and will have major representation in

many of the weekend's events.

Are you all ready?

I am hoping that the weather will not

be a killer this year.

100 degree temps on race days are NOT welcome.

(I'm just putting that out there for the weather gurus to note)

I'm excited to be a part of the event this year

and not just standing at the finish line watching

you all roll in this time.

So strap on those cross trainers and

get ready for the fun...

Go Team Stanley!!!

Memorial Day~

(This was taken of my brother at the local "Tea Party"... but I love that he is holding our flag so proudly...)

Memorial Day is fast approaching and I was reflecting on what we have done to celebrate it. I am staring at our trailer parked out front, which I will be loading all day long. Many celebrate it with the first major camping trip of the season. Sort of a summer-kick-off. We load up and head to the coast to camp and spend time together as a family. I don't think I have ever talked to my kiddos about the holiday and what it means to our country. This is going to change this year. My kiddos need to understand that these freedoms we enjoy don't come free. Many have paid and do pay the price for us to live in this country and enjoy all that we have.

Thank you soldiers (past and present), thank you families of soldiers and thank you to all that have died in the line of duty ~ protecting all that we hold dear.

Happy Memorial Day!

We will not forget...

Two years now but still hurts like yesterday~~~

Our last family picture before baby Onica was taken to Oklahoma...

(this is just a few hours before she left~hence the black circles below mine and Lance's eyes)
My little 'sweetness' ~ I love her so much.
For the last couple weeks with this "anniversary" looming into view I have been having panic attacks again wondering if she is happy, healthy and doing well. I wake up bawling and poor Lance doesn't know what to do to help calm me down.
(I'll 'worry' about her forever)

My favorite picture of Onica with Lance...


Fan-C was the little momma.
She loved to help take care of baby Onica.
~
~
~



So this sweet bundle was taken two years ago. She is 2 1/2 years old now... but she will always be that sweet little nine month old they took from my arms.
My brain and heart are stuck ~ it is as if I lost a baby but there is no grave to visit...
I love you Onica Lynne ~ always!

Warning: Incoming TANK

This duckling is definitely giving me a run for my money. He is a very busy little man. Case in point, this picture is how his "photo shoot" went. I got maybe two pictures where he is just standing still.

My outlook on the Tank has shifted. We got news that he is probably going to require open-heart surgery at his wee age of 5 years old. He has a tear in his heart that they think just happened. They asked if he has fallen or crashed his bike or ran into anything lately... ummmm... all of the above! He is always in destruction mode... somehow he has torn a good size hole in his heart (probably just tore a murmur that was already there). He is sleeping a lot longer than most kiddos his age. He can't run very far and he won't ride his bike ~ he gets tired in one lap. So he drives his wheels...

I know that he drives me crazy ~ on a daily basis, but I don't want anything to happen to this one man wrecking ball. If you all could keep the Tank in your prayers ~ Thanks!

So the REALLY scary part is that he can't do much in his current state and that state is CRAZY. What is he going to be like when he is 100% again... pray for me too. :o)