Racers Ready? On your mark, get set, GO!!!!

My race day is here. We leave for Sunriver today!

I'm starting to get a wee bit nervous.

My doctor has suggested that I skip the race and stay out of the sun. Ummmm, NO! I've been building up to this thing since I registered in March. I found SPF 85 and a hat. I'm equipped to have my Sunday "stroll" then I'll stay out of the sun.
Lance is being "trained" how to be my wound~packing~nurse for our trip. I have to repack this thing everyday for the next two weeks. Then (if not healed) I will have to have a surgery to open the wound deeper and really make sure all the yuck is out. I'm prayin' for the healing... hence why I am letting my non medically trained husband learn how to do this so I can be healed with in the two weeks.

So on Sunday send out a motivational vibe into the universe for me...

I'll be sure to check my vibes first thing Sunday morning before the race.

I'll tuck them into my shoes and you all can come along with me... Here we go...

Another Freakin' CoPay! $$$$$

I have been on an antibiotic treatment for 10 days and the infection the meds were supposed to clear up just wasn't quite done yet... so I call up the doc this morning and ask if they would fill an extension to the antibiotic to get rid of it completely. They take my name and number and tell me they will ask the doc and get back to me.
About an hour later I get a call telling me that I need to come in and see the doc again. I am instantly ANGRY... I don't have another $35 to sink into another copay so they can hand me another prescription. So, I go. I take my own "gown" with me.

((I'm not a fan of paper "dresses" that barely cover the front let alone the whole back end. So about a year ago, I found hospital gowns online and ordered two. One that is for IV (the sleeves unbutton) and one regular. LOVE THEM... no more cold hiney waiting to see the lady doc.))

But back to today's adventure.

They take my blood pressure, it's high cuz I'm steamin'. I'm actually crying in the doctor's office because I don't have money to throw at a doc tryin' to build up their vacation fund. I'm ticking off the list of groceries I could have gotten with this ridiculous copay. That reminds me, I'm out of bread. Doc walks in and takes a look... then she gets her nurse to prep the surgery room.

UMMMMMMM, what?!?

Next thing I know I'm following doc into a room down the hall. Horrified that I am walking the halls of this busy doctor's office with just my "gown" on to cover the top regions. I'm definitely a woman who is pro-bra and MUST wear said bra. So I am trying to hold my shirt and purse up and inconspicuously hold the "ladies" in place so they don't bounce out while I am on my "parade" to the procedure room. The doc is serious. I'm gonna get anesthesia and scalpel's are gonna be used!!!!

She had me lay down on a "bed" that is about as wide as a diving board and then asks if I am comfortable. Ummm, yeah... NO! This didn't seem to register as she just continued to prep. She mentioned that if I hadn't brought my gown they would have had me disrobe and then covered me with a sheet... THANK YOU STEPHANIE FOR BEING ANAL AND BRINGING YOUR OWN SURGERY GOWN... then she starts. I don't feel pain. (or let me clarify) I have a high tolerance for pain. I don't even feel her tugging, cutting, moving things around...nothing. She works for a bit and then asks me if I know why I am bleeding so much. Ummmm, hello?!? I inform (remind) her that she has me on an aspirin regimen... hence the thin blood and LOTS of it. She tells me to discontinue using the aspirin for a few days. Then she tells me that the said "lump" was a lot bigger and deeper then she anticipated. So through a combination of stitches and "packing" I am closed up for now. BUT, if the packing doesn't work and I don't heal then I will have to have surgery in an OR with a "real surgeon" <---- Doc's words, not mine. GREAT! I'm leaving in two days for Sunriver.

I'm supposed to be competing on Sunday in a race... she says... well you'll just have to see.

There you have it. My $35 copay went to pay for a mini-surgery and may lead to a full blown one... BUT, I have a secret weapon. I'm having Lance give me a blessing tonight.

I'm gonna race on Sunday.

Now, I'm off to go and find loose change in the couch ~

I still need to go and get some bread.

Nerves ~~~~

So, this is my left leg. I know, what a glamour shot, right?!? At scouts a few months ago I fell during a flag ceremony... (LONG STORY)... I ended up hyper-extending my knee and breaking my leg right below my knee. I am healed up and all is well ~~~~ maybe.
I'm getting nervous about the Pacific Crest event and wondering how my leg is gonna fair. I walk now and my knee tries to go backwards a couple times. I'm hopin' all will be well. Walking 5K sounds doable but at 4700 feet above sea level kinda freaks me out.
Maybe I should rent an oxygen tank to strap on to my back...

Only eleven days... (yikes!)

Disclaimer: I do NOT watch soaps....

This week I saw a commercial showing a story line for a character on "One Life to Live" and it pulled me in. The character Jessica (holding the baby in the pic) gave birth to a baby that died and her alternate personality ~ Bess, switched her dead baby, Chloe for a live baby at the hospital. It was her niece's baby, Hope. Her niece is Star, the other gal in the pic below.

But, I'm not here to rehash a soap plot for you all....

Today, Jessica (who just got her memory back and realized that the baby she had died) had to say goodbye to Chloe/Hope. She had to hand her off to Star's parents. This little baby that she has loved and cared for from birth was leaving. She would now see her and have to be known as a cousin.

I LOST IT!

I wasn't prepared for how it would hit me. She was saying her goodbye's and love yous and I was doing okay. Then Blair walked in the room and BAM!!!! The moment Jessica realized this is it... I lost it right along beside her. Way too close to home for me. Only I have the mercy of not having to see Onica 'around town'. The ending shows her walking into the nursery and falling to her knees and weeping. It has been two years and the section of my walk-in-closet that was Onica's area is still there... I can't deal with clearing it out and I have tried, several times. I tried to take things off hangers and put them away and I freak and can't. I thought that another baby would come. Another little person and that would force me to sort and clear out and make room for the new one... but I am realizing that there may be no more new babies. We have been on adoption lists for almost a year and nothing. (I'm not the pick of the litter ~ in the adoption world.) I won't be watching the show any longer. Next week they show the baby being given back to her bio-mom. Star, the bio-mom, adopted her baby to another infertile woman on the show and now is revoking that and keeping the baby. Ummmm, not what I want to watch.
I realize that Jessica is NOT real but I have been feeling for her today... wounded...

My own wounds have been 'weeping' again today...

I pray for the relief to finally come ~ for the cleansing rain.