But, I'm not here to rehash a soap plot for you all....
Today, Jessica (who just got her memory back and realized that the baby she had died) had to say goodbye to Chloe/Hope. She had to hand her off to Star's parents. This little baby that she has loved and cared for from birth was leaving. She would now see her and have to be known as a cousin.
I LOST IT!
I wasn't prepared for how it would hit me. She was saying her goodbye's and love yous and I was doing okay. Then Blair walked in the room and BAM!!!! The moment Jessica realized this is it... I lost it right along beside her. Way too close to home for me. Only I have the mercy of not having to see Onica 'around town'. The ending shows her walking into the nursery and falling to her knees and weeping. It has been two years and the section of my walk-in-closet that was Onica's area is still there... I can't deal with clearing it out and I have tried, several times. I tried to take things off hangers and put them away and I freak and can't. I thought that another baby would come. Another little person and that would force me to sort and clear out and make room for the new one... but I am realizing that there may be no more new babies. We have been on adoption lists for almost a year and nothing. (I'm not the pick of the litter ~ in the adoption world.) I won't be watching the show any longer. Next week they show the baby being given back to her bio-mom. Star, the bio-mom, adopted her baby to another infertile woman on the show and now is revoking that and keeping the baby. Ummmm, not what I want to watch.I realize that Jessica is NOT real but I have been feeling for her today... wounded...
My own wounds have been 'weeping' again today...
I pray for the relief to finally come ~ for the cleansing rain.
3 comments:
Your pain strikes a chord with me, Stephanie. I know our situations aren't identical, but they're close enough for me to know there's not much I can say, except I'll be praying for ya, and thanks for keepin' it real. Love ya!
Sending prayers your way.
(and just so you know, it took me a year to put away clothes that I had gotten for the baby that I miscarried. It was just too final for me and I didn"t do it until I absolutely had to.
I know that things aren’t exactly the same for me as far as loss, but I do know the pain that comes from losing a child. We lost three before Devin came. It isn’t something that you ever forget or completely get over. Even as time goes by. It is amazing how the little things can open old wounds. I was watching UP with the kids this weekend, and there is a part when the wife loses a baby, and I was crying so hard I considered walking out (of a kid’s movie) my prayers are with you.
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