Onica with Lance - day before she left
Mommaduck with OnicaI have received a subpoena to testify in the parental termination trial for our little Onica. I did the pretrial question and answer session so that the attorney would have the questions ready for the actual trial. Lance got 'excused' and does not have to testify. I was told that most likely I too would be excused...NO LUCK! I found out this morning that I must go and testify and stay in attendance until the resolve of this matter. So, I have to listen to Onica's pre-adoptive parents talking about her over the last fourteen months. They have large blown up portraits on display of Onica's life (with us and post-us). I don't know if I can handle this. I have been a wreck all morning since getting the news. I'm in tears and my ducklings are confused. I seriously have NOTHING to add to this case. I feel like I am being forced to attend by DHS, so that the caseworker-from-hell can rub salt in my very open... hard to heal wound. The bio-mother does not even have a memory of her daughter. She doesn't even realized that she gave birth to this baby almost two years ago. The legal assistant for this case said that this is the biggest waste of taxpayer dollars that she has seen in a while. The bio-mother has a court appointed rep since she is 'crazy' and the court rep is who is pushing for this trial to continue. I did find out that the pre-adoptive family are NOT flying here for the trial. They will be testifying via the phone. I would probably lose it on the stand if I had to see Onica and hear her and realize that she has no clue who I am or that I was her 'mommy' for a short time. To hear her call 'K' mommy and 'M' daddy... that would totally crush me. I thought I was healing from this... but obviously the wound just keeps getting ripped back open over and over again. We lost a baby, there was no funeral, very few acknowledged our loss or the pain... but this was very much a loss and our hearts will not heal from this overnight. I wish only the choicest blessings for our little Onica and her new family. I want all the happiness in the world for her~I just still wish her future was in Oregon with us. I'll probably wish that until the day I die...
6 comments:
I don't even know where to begin. I can't even imagine what you are going through. I don't know why they would make you go through this after what you have already gone through.
I am sorry to hear about this. I can’t imagine what this is like for you. I don’t know the whole details about this, but I hope that it gets resolved soon, and your heart can go on again.
This brings tears to my eyes. I heard what happened with Onica and I am so sorry you have to go through this non sense. There's probably nothing I can do, but I'll keep you in my prayers.
Oh Steph...I didn't know this was happening...I know how much you wanted Little Onica to stay with your family...I wish things would have been different...remember we don't always understand things here on the earth...Try to remember as you...do this...it is for he Onica...You would not want her back with her biological mother...Your heart is still...hurt from the loss...remember that Heavenly Father knows the pain...and he will help carry you...My prayers go out to your and your family as well..
I have not been able to post anything because I can not imagine this pain and when I try to say anything .. I cry. I love you and think you (and Your DH) are the greatest most loving and tender people I know. May our Father in Heaven be with all of you. Do the best you can and know that you are loved my dear, dear friend.
I am so sorry you are going through this. How incredibly painful. I wish with all my heart that this system wasn't so screwed up and that someone would actually look at what's best for the CHILD rather than just looking out for the rights of the child's biological family.
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