Taking a Minute to Focus...

This pic is from a couple years ago... but it has all four being happy~ at the same time.

I arranged a babysitter (thank you Grandma Stanley) and asked Lance to take me to the temple tomorrow... and then BOOM!?!#$%^&$#!!!! Holy crud. I verbalized my desire and made a formal plan to go and it all broke loose. The natives turned into heathens, our truck is giving us trauma and my long list of "to dos" ~ didn't.
Called my mom and she said that it usually works like this... verbalize the plan and then everything works against you. I am going. Early in the morning. Not leaving any 'free time' to get filled up with more chaos and prevent me from getting to the temple to get refocused.

I just a few minutes of peace in the temple...

I need a few minutes so that I can come back to these lovely little natives and want to be their happy momma once again.

Congrats to Lance!!!

He just got a new position/title with an office!

We are proud of you.

Great job~~~

Wait up for MEEEE ~~~~

Fan-C and the Tank made this at Honeyman ...

Life is runnin' ~ sprintin' fast ~ and I feel like I'm trying to move my feet (that weigh a 1000 lbs. a piece) and yellin' : WAIT for meeeeee!

One friend doesn't announce she's pregnant a whole herd does.

One friend doesn't announce she's moving (far away) a whole herd does.

One friend doesn't announce a new working at home brilliant idea a whole herd does.

So then I fall into that yucky mode of where's my new baby? Why can't we move? Why didn't I have that brilliant idea? (I'm stuck in Groundhog Day ~ the movie... everyday is exactly like the day before)

I'm so excited for my child bearing, moving (though sad too) and enterprising friends. I don't wish them not to have changes and success. I just want to be a part of something that exists outside these four walls. I want to feel like I'm movin' along with the herd instead of moving against it.

I feel like my life is made out of 'sand' right now. (hence this pic)

Easily changed by outside forces that I can't see coming and can't control.

(Now I'm off to get some baby gifts and housewarming gifts too...)

Scandinavian Festival 2009

We took the ducklings out to

Junction City

for the annual

Scandi-Fest.

I personally think it should just be called our annual Lovin' Oven run. The Lovin' Oven sell Swedish Meat Pies and OH MY HECK they are THAT good. Yummy enough to drive 25 miles (on way) to get once a year. The ducklings looked around and said, "we want to go on rides". I laughed and said this is a festival not a fair. You eat great food and look at crafts ~ there are no rides. Yet right next to the "four mile line" waiting for the Lovin' Oven was a rock climbing wall and they all wanted to take a crack at it. So we signed the appropriate 'waivers' and got them harnessed up and off they went.

This is my niece... she actually climbed up twice - to the top each time - no fear & super FAST.

Fan-C scampering up the wall...

Okay, last winter the Tank wanted to climb up on the roof and help Daddyduck string up the lights... I made him wear his helmet ( I know, I know - I was nervous ) he was so excited and not scared.
Fast forward to Scandi-fest... this kid only climbed maybe three feet. 3 FEET! The safety handler asked if he wanted to try again and he said, "Ummmm, NO!" I guess holding on to a ladder is easier then little plastic rocks, eh?!?

We had fun watching them climb. We had our Swedish Meat Pies that were oh so yummy.

Next year I am going to have to stand in line for an Elephant Ear...

Twins?!? Ummmm, no!

This is the Tank and my niece, "Mimi". I've been watching Mimi since she and the Tank were a year old. Her momma (my little sister) went to work after I decided to stay home with my kiddos and leave the "workforce". Five days a week for YEARS.... this summer her sister is watching her. We miss Mimi soooo much. Tank and Mimi are like two peas in a pod. He misses having her here. Tonight we found out that she will be coming again once school starts... Yippee! They are both half-day kinders... so after school they will get to play once again. :o)

Now the story behind the title of this post:
One of the door counters at Costco saw me multiple times a week (diapers, wipes, fruit snacks, chicken nuggets ~ you know how it goes) and she asked me how old all the kiddos were. I responded four, three, three, eighteen months and nine months. She smiled and expressed how insane I was to be shopping with that many youngins' by myself. I laughed and agreed with her but when you are out of diapers/pull-ups you do what you have to do. The next week I walk in and she tells a coworker that I have a TON of kids all under four, including a set of TWINS. I correct her and let her that the three year olds are cousins. She doesn't believe me... she still greets Tank and Mimi as the "twin cousins" and sort of winks. I think she thinks I'm crazy and am just lost in a daze of confusion and not aware that I had a set of twins or something. Now we call them the Mexicalli-twins. (they are both half)

Look who's FOUR!?!?

This is Tiny-T with her Papa...

To say that she would follow him to the ends of the earth is a HUGE understatement...

Today is Tiny-T's (official) birthday.

We celebrated with family on Monday (cuz assembling the masses on FHE night is so much easier than a Friday or Saturday). Four years old! Wow!

She is so funny... she comes up with the best lines and oh my word~~~ she memorizes songs that I didn't even know she was listening to. Does that make sense? She'll be in her room playing with her ponies and start singing, "You're gonna be popular" from the play Wicked. (I'm a wee bit obsessed with the music, hoping to see the musical one day) I don't mean like sing the same line over and over, I mean like sing every word. Really?!? I didn't even know you were paying attention to the 3,000 times your momma has sung this song in the car. But hey, if you're gonna memorize a song I would rather it be "Popular" then some of daddy's country stuff. (I like country but some of George Strait's stuff is a wee bit too twangy for my taste.)

She is a strong willed little woman. Don't think that she is forgotten as the youngest of the ducklings. She makes herself known~~~ She loves her daddy, the color pink, playing with her ponies ~ carrying her purses while donning her necklaces and bracelets. She loves to wear her fancy shoes and she asks for her hair to be done. She is my girly-girl. She hates dirty hands. (ode to her Grandma Lillie) We love her so much and are so grateful that she is growing up to be quite the little lady ~~~

Happy Birthday!!!!

34 days and counting....

School starts in 34 days!!!

This is my big man the Tank. He is starting kindergarten this year and he can't wait! (neither can momma) It is bitter sweet to send him off to school. Granted it's only 1/2 day = 2 hours 25 minutes it's still yet another sign that my big man is growing up.

Fan-C is officially in first grade. All day, hot lunches (she's insisting-ugh!), music program in the Spring, music / art class once a week and TWO recesses a day. She is sooooo excited about school. Now that she is a seasoned veteran of elementary school~~~ She is my giraffe. This girlie has legs that don't end. (makes me nervous for the teenage years - yikes!) Seems like yesterday she was toddling around and now she is keeping a countdown to her baptism date! (14 months and 14 days! ~ she has been counting down since she was TWO! seriously...)

It's just gonna be me and Tiny-T hanging out together

ummmm, more like living in the Expedition five days a week!

Three little ducklings sitting in a ~~~

GIANT CHAIR!!!

This is my camping chair. It is huge!!! I feel like Lilly Tomlin when she's her character "Edith" sitting in the giant rocking chair. I ordered it earlier this summer and set it up to air it out a bit before loading it in the trailer. I heard a lot of giggling and came out to find the ducklings all nestled in and giving it a test 'sit'. They are so dang cute...
They are growing too fast. Some days I can't wait until they are teenagers and throwing around some independence stuff... then other days I see my 'babies' transforming before my eyes and I want to just hold on to them and keep them little for a little longer.

Yep, she is sent straight from HEAVEN!

Feast your eyes on this beautiful,

gorgeous, fabulous, wonderful, delicious, creative,

awesome expression of LOVE!

To the average guy they would just call it a cake, but it is something much more than just a yummy confection created by an Auntie for her four year old niece.

Lauri calls me and asks me 'what's up?'... well she called at the moment of a meltdown (by me). She then had to listen to me tell her some yucky (financial) stuff and then my true pain was that my little Tiny-T was turning four and we were going to cancel her party due to no ability to even get her a cake. My awesome sister-in-law says, "Just have the party and I will make a cake." I was so grateful that she would show love to me and to Tiny-T by bringing a cake. You know a 9x13 cake in the pan with some frosting and sprinkles. I was in tears and grateful.

Lauri walks in last night to the party with THIS!

A gorgeous creation for an excited little girl. Lauri went WAY beyond filling my need to provide a treat for a party... she showed me how much she loves us and was willing to create something using her talents and for this she will be blessed!!!!

Thank you Lauri...

Sunny days...

Fan-C and the Tank just informed me this morning that I am not helping them have a very fun summer. I asked what a fun summer would look like. Things were suggested like ~ swimming, Disneyland, whitewater rafting (Fan-C is hooked after Sunriver), library, picnics and riding bikes. Just to name a few being thrown at me. Sooooo.... I am going to take them out and about and get in some real summer fun. Disneyland, rafting and bike riding (with me) are out. But, I going to plan some park stuff, picnics and even venture to the library with them in tow.

Summer fun here we come....

Surgery, oh shoot!

Tuesday is my surgery consult. *sigh*

Two rounds of heavy doses of antibiotics, didn't work.

Cutting out the original "mass", didn't work.

Packing open wound for two weeks with nu-gauze everyday

(thanks Lance and Lauri), didn't work.

Now I'm off to see the surgeon.

The plan is to basically open my left armpit wide open and "clean out" the crud and hope and pray that it doesn't return.

Surgeon, located at a surgery CENTER,

can't do the procedure there.

Oh no...

Has to go across the street and use the operating room at the HOSPITAL. Not just any hospital... the brand new (we-are-trying-to-recoup-our-huge-investment-so-our-prices-are-outrageous) hospital.

Grrrrr.... that means yet another bill for us. (yippee)

I am trying to convince them to just give me a local.

(keep me awake)

I don't feel 'normal' pain. This will save me having a huge anesthesiologist bill...

BUT I do not know if they will go for this or not.

We shall see....

My Lancing is coming with me.

I was planning on going alone and then he said,

"Ummmm, you're discussing SURGERY, I'm comin'. "

So, we're off to see the wizard... er the surgeon.

Maybe I can use the O.R. to the best of my abilities...

I'd like to have a nip/tuck, chin reduction,

foot reduction ~

get my money out of using that place.

I know... I can dream, right?!?

Happy 4th of July~~~~

Sending out freedom vibes to you all!

God Bless America~

I am acquiring pics from the Sunriver vacation/race.

Sooooo... I will soon post all the fun events of last week.

Racers Ready? On your mark, get set, GO!!!!

My race day is here. We leave for Sunriver today!

I'm starting to get a wee bit nervous.

My doctor has suggested that I skip the race and stay out of the sun. Ummmm, NO! I've been building up to this thing since I registered in March. I found SPF 85 and a hat. I'm equipped to have my Sunday "stroll" then I'll stay out of the sun.
Lance is being "trained" how to be my wound~packing~nurse for our trip. I have to repack this thing everyday for the next two weeks. Then (if not healed) I will have to have a surgery to open the wound deeper and really make sure all the yuck is out. I'm prayin' for the healing... hence why I am letting my non medically trained husband learn how to do this so I can be healed with in the two weeks.

So on Sunday send out a motivational vibe into the universe for me...

I'll be sure to check my vibes first thing Sunday morning before the race.

I'll tuck them into my shoes and you all can come along with me... Here we go...

Another Freakin' CoPay! $$$$$

I have been on an antibiotic treatment for 10 days and the infection the meds were supposed to clear up just wasn't quite done yet... so I call up the doc this morning and ask if they would fill an extension to the antibiotic to get rid of it completely. They take my name and number and tell me they will ask the doc and get back to me.
About an hour later I get a call telling me that I need to come in and see the doc again. I am instantly ANGRY... I don't have another $35 to sink into another copay so they can hand me another prescription. So, I go. I take my own "gown" with me.

((I'm not a fan of paper "dresses" that barely cover the front let alone the whole back end. So about a year ago, I found hospital gowns online and ordered two. One that is for IV (the sleeves unbutton) and one regular. LOVE THEM... no more cold hiney waiting to see the lady doc.))

But back to today's adventure.

They take my blood pressure, it's high cuz I'm steamin'. I'm actually crying in the doctor's office because I don't have money to throw at a doc tryin' to build up their vacation fund. I'm ticking off the list of groceries I could have gotten with this ridiculous copay. That reminds me, I'm out of bread. Doc walks in and takes a look... then she gets her nurse to prep the surgery room.

UMMMMMMM, what?!?

Next thing I know I'm following doc into a room down the hall. Horrified that I am walking the halls of this busy doctor's office with just my "gown" on to cover the top regions. I'm definitely a woman who is pro-bra and MUST wear said bra. So I am trying to hold my shirt and purse up and inconspicuously hold the "ladies" in place so they don't bounce out while I am on my "parade" to the procedure room. The doc is serious. I'm gonna get anesthesia and scalpel's are gonna be used!!!!

She had me lay down on a "bed" that is about as wide as a diving board and then asks if I am comfortable. Ummm, yeah... NO! This didn't seem to register as she just continued to prep. She mentioned that if I hadn't brought my gown they would have had me disrobe and then covered me with a sheet... THANK YOU STEPHANIE FOR BEING ANAL AND BRINGING YOUR OWN SURGERY GOWN... then she starts. I don't feel pain. (or let me clarify) I have a high tolerance for pain. I don't even feel her tugging, cutting, moving things around...nothing. She works for a bit and then asks me if I know why I am bleeding so much. Ummmm, hello?!? I inform (remind) her that she has me on an aspirin regimen... hence the thin blood and LOTS of it. She tells me to discontinue using the aspirin for a few days. Then she tells me that the said "lump" was a lot bigger and deeper then she anticipated. So through a combination of stitches and "packing" I am closed up for now. BUT, if the packing doesn't work and I don't heal then I will have to have surgery in an OR with a "real surgeon" <---- Doc's words, not mine. GREAT! I'm leaving in two days for Sunriver.

I'm supposed to be competing on Sunday in a race... she says... well you'll just have to see.

There you have it. My $35 copay went to pay for a mini-surgery and may lead to a full blown one... BUT, I have a secret weapon. I'm having Lance give me a blessing tonight.

I'm gonna race on Sunday.

Now, I'm off to go and find loose change in the couch ~

I still need to go and get some bread.

Nerves ~~~~

So, this is my left leg. I know, what a glamour shot, right?!? At scouts a few months ago I fell during a flag ceremony... (LONG STORY)... I ended up hyper-extending my knee and breaking my leg right below my knee. I am healed up and all is well ~~~~ maybe.
I'm getting nervous about the Pacific Crest event and wondering how my leg is gonna fair. I walk now and my knee tries to go backwards a couple times. I'm hopin' all will be well. Walking 5K sounds doable but at 4700 feet above sea level kinda freaks me out.
Maybe I should rent an oxygen tank to strap on to my back...

Only eleven days... (yikes!)

Disclaimer: I do NOT watch soaps....

This week I saw a commercial showing a story line for a character on "One Life to Live" and it pulled me in. The character Jessica (holding the baby in the pic) gave birth to a baby that died and her alternate personality ~ Bess, switched her dead baby, Chloe for a live baby at the hospital. It was her niece's baby, Hope. Her niece is Star, the other gal in the pic below.

But, I'm not here to rehash a soap plot for you all....

Today, Jessica (who just got her memory back and realized that the baby she had died) had to say goodbye to Chloe/Hope. She had to hand her off to Star's parents. This little baby that she has loved and cared for from birth was leaving. She would now see her and have to be known as a cousin.

I LOST IT!

I wasn't prepared for how it would hit me. She was saying her goodbye's and love yous and I was doing okay. Then Blair walked in the room and BAM!!!! The moment Jessica realized this is it... I lost it right along beside her. Way too close to home for me. Only I have the mercy of not having to see Onica 'around town'. The ending shows her walking into the nursery and falling to her knees and weeping. It has been two years and the section of my walk-in-closet that was Onica's area is still there... I can't deal with clearing it out and I have tried, several times. I tried to take things off hangers and put them away and I freak and can't. I thought that another baby would come. Another little person and that would force me to sort and clear out and make room for the new one... but I am realizing that there may be no more new babies. We have been on adoption lists for almost a year and nothing. (I'm not the pick of the litter ~ in the adoption world.) I won't be watching the show any longer. Next week they show the baby being given back to her bio-mom. Star, the bio-mom, adopted her baby to another infertile woman on the show and now is revoking that and keeping the baby. Ummmm, not what I want to watch.
I realize that Jessica is NOT real but I have been feeling for her today... wounded...

My own wounds have been 'weeping' again today...

I pray for the relief to finally come ~ for the cleansing rain.

Team Stanley ~ ONE MONTH and COUNTING

So today marks the day.

Only 30 days until

Team Stanley

rolls into Sunriver and makes their mark this year.

We will have our matching Team Stanley shirts

and will have major representation in

many of the weekend's events.

Are you all ready?

I am hoping that the weather will not

be a killer this year.

100 degree temps on race days are NOT welcome.

(I'm just putting that out there for the weather gurus to note)

I'm excited to be a part of the event this year

and not just standing at the finish line watching

you all roll in this time.

So strap on those cross trainers and

get ready for the fun...

Go Team Stanley!!!

Memorial Day~

(This was taken of my brother at the local "Tea Party"... but I love that he is holding our flag so proudly...)

Memorial Day is fast approaching and I was reflecting on what we have done to celebrate it. I am staring at our trailer parked out front, which I will be loading all day long. Many celebrate it with the first major camping trip of the season. Sort of a summer-kick-off. We load up and head to the coast to camp and spend time together as a family. I don't think I have ever talked to my kiddos about the holiday and what it means to our country. This is going to change this year. My kiddos need to understand that these freedoms we enjoy don't come free. Many have paid and do pay the price for us to live in this country and enjoy all that we have.

Thank you soldiers (past and present), thank you families of soldiers and thank you to all that have died in the line of duty ~ protecting all that we hold dear.

Happy Memorial Day!

We will not forget...

Two years now but still hurts like yesterday~~~

Our last family picture before baby Onica was taken to Oklahoma...

(this is just a few hours before she left~hence the black circles below mine and Lance's eyes)
My little 'sweetness' ~ I love her so much.
For the last couple weeks with this "anniversary" looming into view I have been having panic attacks again wondering if she is happy, healthy and doing well. I wake up bawling and poor Lance doesn't know what to do to help calm me down.
(I'll 'worry' about her forever)

My favorite picture of Onica with Lance...


Fan-C was the little momma.
She loved to help take care of baby Onica.
~
~
~



So this sweet bundle was taken two years ago. She is 2 1/2 years old now... but she will always be that sweet little nine month old they took from my arms.
My brain and heart are stuck ~ it is as if I lost a baby but there is no grave to visit...
I love you Onica Lynne ~ always!

Warning: Incoming TANK

This duckling is definitely giving me a run for my money. He is a very busy little man. Case in point, this picture is how his "photo shoot" went. I got maybe two pictures where he is just standing still.

My outlook on the Tank has shifted. We got news that he is probably going to require open-heart surgery at his wee age of 5 years old. He has a tear in his heart that they think just happened. They asked if he has fallen or crashed his bike or ran into anything lately... ummmm... all of the above! He is always in destruction mode... somehow he has torn a good size hole in his heart (probably just tore a murmur that was already there). He is sleeping a lot longer than most kiddos his age. He can't run very far and he won't ride his bike ~ he gets tired in one lap. So he drives his wheels...

I know that he drives me crazy ~ on a daily basis, but I don't want anything to happen to this one man wrecking ball. If you all could keep the Tank in your prayers ~ Thanks!

So the REALLY scary part is that he can't do much in his current state and that state is CRAZY. What is he going to be like when he is 100% again... pray for me too. :o)